Crow: Hey, Joel, did they do these titles on a typewriter?
Joel: No, that's the Helvetica constellation we're looking at.
Crow: Stellar.
[The slab-serif font is more like typing than sans serif Helvetica. May be Rockwell.]
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Tom: Sorta looks like "I Dream of Jeannie" lettering.
Joel: Right.... I think this is also the lettering to "The Bionic Woman."
Crow: Boring Bold.
Tom: Well, they had the technology.
[It's Studio--sometimes with a wave effect--as also used on "Jeannie" and Girls Town. "Bionic Woman" used a different calligraphic font.]
Crow: Jerome Pycha, Jr., cousin of Jerome Elite! Kind of a typist’s joke...
[In typewriter days, you basically had Pica (10 characters per inch) and Elite (12 per inch) which were both fixed-width slab-serif fonts like Courier. Unrelated in style, the film's credit font has been recreated as my Project.]
Tom: Titles by Mrs Greevy's third grade.
[Mod 60s cartoon lettering]
Crow: Daniel Kern did the letters.
[To kern is to adjust the spacing between certain pairs of letters, such as the AT and TA in the title.]
Crow: Hey, it looks like a kid wrote this with a crayon.
[Rough hand lettering; now available as a font]
Joel: Did somebody write that with soap on a window or something?
[Rough hand lettering; now available as a font]
Joel: Credits by Peter Max.
[The curvy lettering may suggest the work of psychedelic Pop artist Peter Max, an odd choice for this film however.]
Tom: This kind of looks like "I Dream of Jeannie" Modified Intercept [?] font, doesn't it?
Crow: No, no, no, no. It's "Bewitched" Sans Serif.
Joel: No, I think you're thinking of "Patty Duke Show" Bold Condensed, actually.
Tom: You know, if it was italicized I'd swear it was Jack Webb.
Crow: Dom Casual, actually.
[Crow is right. Besides the "Bewitched" TV credits, Dom Casual appears in The Killer Shrews, The Undead, and other MST3K movies, but "Jeannie" used Studio, see below]
Crow: Looks like an E. E. Cummings book cover.
Joel: Typesetting by Smith-Corona.
[All lowercase echoes Cummings' writing style, but the serif font is not typing. Looks more like Trooper Roman or even my Columbia Stamp.]
Tom: This is the credits from "I Dream of Jeannie."
Joel: Yeah!
Crow: Hey, yeah. I love that typeface.
[Jeannie's Studio again and the sky background makes it really look like Jeannie's crew
credits (right), but not the main title and cast.]
Tom: This is like "Beginning of the End" Bold Condensed font here, huh?
[Much of the credits appear to be Futura, but the names are something else, more square with rough "horror" edges]
Mike: The thick chalk years!
Crow: Everyone forced to write with the Palmer Method!
[The Palmer Method was a style of penmanship once taught in American schools, which that resembles.]
Mike: Relson? What kind of name is Relson?
Tom: Nelson.
Mike: That's one of the most clearly printed Rs I've ever seen!
Mike: What kind of made-up font is this?
Tom: I think they call it Extra Stuffed Germanic.
Crow: Thom Thristopher!
Tom: Robert Rorth!
Crow: A heavy font like this needs to double-brace the H.
[The font in question is Richard Mueller's Primitive.]
Crow: Apparently E.E. Cummings wrote it.
[The classic joke about lowercase titles. Although he favored lowercase for his poetry, Cummings capitalized his name.]
Tom: Credits by E.E. Cummings and k.d. lang.
[Ditto.]
Mike: The typewriter was drunk when it did that, huh?
[Jagged, irregular, seriffed hand-lettering, not typing. But Emigré's Journal would be a good substitute.]
Santa Claus: I think they want to drive us into the neighboring constellation.
Susan Powter: Helvetica?
Mike: I love that font!
[No font onscreen.]
Mike: Hey, this planet is quilted for softness.
[Might make an interesting 3-D font, but looks more like extra crispy to me.]
Mike: Oh, that's the "Hee Haw" font; how can it be deadly?
[Perhaps it's the serif cousin to the country comedy's logo.]
[Looking at Astrology sign]
Crow: "Rubber Soul" font.
[Echoes the biomorphic shape of the Beatles' classic album logo, but more pen-like calligraphy.]
Crow: It’s got playful-teen-beach-movie font.
[Crow is right. The irregular lettering is reminiscent of "Gilligan's Island," the "Green Acres" logo, "The Patty Duke Show", Screwball, and the like. I suppose they thought the irregular letters suggested watery horror. One of a million wrong choices in one of the worst films to end up on MST3K.]
Crow: This is "Rich Man, Poor Man" font.
[Crow is wrong, but in the ballpark. Looks like another 70s swash font, perhaps Bookman Italic.]
